22 Sides
22 Sides is a podcast that will let you get to know some fascinating people and keep up with many things that are happening in and around the Houston area.
22 Sides
Fight, Flight, or Sass Your Way Out of Danger
What happens when someone threatens you, tries to blackmail you, or backs you into a corner? For our hosts and their guest Amber, these aren't hypothetical scenarios—they're lived experiences that have shaped powerful philosophies on self-defense, resilience, and living fully.
The conversation begins with a brilliant social experiment called "Political Expedience," where participants roll dice to determine who faces discrimination next—a simple yet profound demonstration of how unfair it feels when you're randomly targeted. This sets the stage for deeper discussions about how we respond when actually threatened in real life.
From Alexis neutralizing a blackmail attempt by immediately calling everyone the blackmailer threatened to inform, to Amber's experiences with confrontations in locker rooms where she was mistaken for being in the "wrong bathroom," each story reveals different strategies for maintaining control in threatening situations. Rather than freezing or panicking, they share how unexpected responses—like calmly explaining to a knife-wielding mugger that "this isn't going to end the way you want it"—can disrupt an aggressor's script and create space for escape.
The episode takes fascinating detours, including Alexis' experiences landing mechanically-compromised planes and Amber's upcoming jiu-jitsu competition in Las Vegas. Throughout these seemingly different scenarios, a common thread emerges: maintaining presence of mind under pressure and being willing to "do it scared" when facing challenges.
Whether you're interested in practical self-defense psychology, stories of resilience, or simply understanding how to live more courageously, this conversation offers valuable insights delivered with authenticity and unexpected humor. Listen now to discover why sometimes the most powerful response to fear is leaning into it rather than running away.
We hope you will listen often.
For more information, visit our website 22sides.com
A while back, we were doing various and sundry things and we decided that we needed for an event, some way to show people how discriminating against us sucked. Okay. So, we came up with a game.
Amber:Tell me more.
Robin:Basically.
Amber:Tell me more about that.
Alexis:The political expedience game yes because you always hear from people well, political expedience says we have to do this and you're going to get the sucky side. Okay, and we got tired of that.
Amber:We would love to give you rights, but it takes up too much time, so we'll come back for you. And they never do no.
Alexis:Yeah, just wait a minute Because, political expedience.
Amber:We have to rush it through. We have no time in the job that we do, to do anything ever. But we will come back for you Don't worry.
Alexis:And so we did this game, and it's a very simple game. It's a sheet of paper and it has, you know, 20 different things on the back and the idea is you roll the die whatever the number comes up with. That's who we get to discriminate against horribly next year okay, yes, our big complaint was it was always us and so you know, let's make this fair or let's just, you know, even it out a little bit.
Amber:We don't mind a punch or two, but every time being on the bottom, that's a little ridiculous yeah, yeah, somebody else, and so you know it's there.
Alexis:And there were lines for discriminate against no one or everyone, and and so people would roll the die and it's like, okay, let's turn it over and see who we're discriminating against next year. And usually the way it was working, they'd roll the die, they get a number, they look like, oh, I don't like that, so if you can roll it again, it's fine. And about three tries they're like I don't like this game, neither do we that's the problem, that's the point, but see our sheet looks like this and it just shows trans, trans, trans, trans, etc you roll the dice six.
Amber:Well, that's somebody who's pregnant. Uh, have you ever been pregnant before? Do you know anyone who has been pregnant? Or might be yeah, of course I have and I'm like, yeah, well, do you know, discrimination exists for those people. They're like, yeah, it kind of sucks.
Robin:I'm like I know, and this time it's their turn but roll the dice because there's like a really cute die. They're like really excited, it's a big thing.
Amber:So they're like oh, okay, I get to do it again because they go into game mode. Okay, well, number two. And I'm like okay, great, so this is race. People are discriminated against race. Are you aware of that? Like uh, yeah, and I was like and you don't occur to me as white, so does, does that happen often and they were like oh, fuck, yeah. And I was like and so like now you get another punch and they're like I hate this game.
Alexis:And then really Well, we have politicians on there too.
Amber:Yeah, and they're like so do we, and it was wonderful because we did it at a volunteer rally before Pride, where you were supposed to find people. I want to volunteer with you guys, like you get it you understand and you know like whatever it is, and we never, you know, proselytized or told them anything.
Speaker 4:We just let them you know, form their own opinion about it roll the dice I love this because then the levels of cognitive dissonance that are just going to start happening with the realizations, as I keep rolling, and keep rolling and you just see the whole levels change every time, every time, and it was always funny because they look at well, I don't like that and it'd be like okay, so roll again yeah
Alexis:and they're like, oh okay and they wouldn't like the next one either usually sometimes they would like it and it's like okay, that's life, right, that's what you keep doing.
Amber:Yeah, you just have these things come up and then you have space. You're like oh, okay, I guess I guess I could do today. Oh wait, now I'm discriminated against again. Oh damn it. Okay. Oh, now I changed my life. Okay, I guess I could do today. I can manage this.
Speaker 4:Right, Like all this stress that we're just like backpacking on constant streams of media that are to be causing extra effort to, just, you know, put a little bit more salt into places that are already and do they ever get it right as to what's going on, or did they make it worse?
Amber:yeah?
Alexis:and the problem is the first few seconds are okay oh, it's news expedience now.
Amber:They don't have time to do the work right, it's very fast, they can't they can't possibly tell the facts.
Alexis:But then we end up with people, and yet they can't. But then we end up with people who can't do the work because they haven't done it right.
Amber:Nor would they want to. Well, because then?
Speaker 4:you're gonna feel something. You gotta put yourself in other people's shoes. You gotta like have a little bit of empathy. Small amount, at least I personally haven't been employed long.
Amber:If I can't do the work, so I don't know that life, that's, that's a privileged life. You just show up, be who you are, ruin things and don't do any work, and you still get paid, elected and you get to have power. That's bizarre.
Alexis:No, that's the way it is.
Amber:Apparently it is wild.
Speaker 4:It's wild Just watching at any point in time, just watching that whole dynamic. Just go down and I'm like why, yeah, what are you seeing?
Alexis:There's my standard question.
Speaker 4:Why? You see it, you got it, we played this game you understand, you see it, you felt it. It's a question you've asked since you were like three years old, why? Why?
Amber:Because I said so Damn it, damn it.
Speaker 4:And as I've gotten older, I've actually uttered that, because I said so Perpetuating the cycle Damn it, and as I've gotten older, I've actually uttered that because I said so. Oh damn it. Oh no, we're perpetuating the cycle.
Alexis:So you want to tell people who might end up listening what we're doing?
Amber:Oh, maybe we're having some pals and some chats and some coffee. No, this is 22 Sides podcast. Okay, okay, 22 Sides and we have neat people here today, absolutely.
Speaker 4:A neat person anyway. Would you like to introduce yourself? Yes, I am Amber. Do I say my last name too, if you want to Are you sure you're Amber I? Might be Amber today, but like today, just maybe today Amber feels good. Okay, any other given day it might be asshole, or something like that.
Robin:You can be Amber and asshole.
Speaker 4:Sometimes they're both true all the time, but it just depends on who we're talking to. It's a perception yeah, it's a combo. I'll accept both. Hats um, and I have been, we've been friends, for I tried to figure this out the other day a long time when you had a mustang.
Amber:Yeah, you just got a mustang and you were just completing physical therapy assistant school. We met at slick will's where we were shooting pool, and Amber took everybody outside to hear what a V6 or a V8 was. V8? I don't know cars, you know cars.
Speaker 4:I could buy a Mustang and be anything less you were revving it for everyone.
Amber:I was. That was 2006?. I think so 6 or 7. So 19?
Speaker 4:Yeah, Six or seven Six or seven, so 19?
Amber:Yeah, a long time. Yeah, yeah, I've only had one. I still have one friend that is longer in existence, but Amber is my longest friend. I'm sorry, other than my school friend, no, no, no, I think it's wonderful.
Robin:I think it's wonderful. We've been through a lot of seasons together.
Speaker 4:Oh my God. I think it's wonderful. We've been through a lot of seasons together. Oh my god. All of them, um, I've known you for like five plus now oh me probably, you're looking my direction probably. Yes, I'm thinking this is the. This is just Alexis, I'm sorry.
Alexis:This is great when Amber does math, she turns her head, she takes a nap she wakes back up and says, not like she's looking my direction, it's more of a looking up at the ceiling. It was wonderful. It was almost like help me out. I know I sometimes come from a pontification godly thing, a goddess-type approach but you don't really have to look up and do it that way.
Amber:If I had to guess, you met Alexis at the Unity Banquet. Maybe Was that the first time you met her.
Alexis:No no.
Speaker 4:Okay before, but I'm trying to actually pinpoint that.
Amber:Did you meet her before to help her with physical therapy exercise after one of her surgeries, did she?
Robin:come here and help you with that.
Speaker 4:No, I don't think so that sounds like something I would talk her into.
Amber:Nope, okay, you might have had question about it Probably, but I don't think he didn't come over for that yeah.
Speaker 4:I think I knew of you when you were still doing the book, but I had not met you yet.
Amber:I knew of you Because Alexis is in the gender book. She's on the generational page.
Speaker 4:Well, it wasn't just because of the book, it was because Robin was talking about you. So you're just reprimanding me. Your ears were burning.
Amber:Yes, I talked about alexis a lot, so there's so many people in my life that I know about alexis that haven't met alexis I think we might have met at chances. I think so okay, that sounds about right it was okay, I think it was out of place.
Alexis:Yeah, okay, like I don't know you just had to say that no, yeah what that's no longer there I know it's no longer there. It's no longer it was at a great bar. No, no, not really. But, it was very interesting.
Amber:It had variety. There was a country dance space, a rap dance space and then a live music dance space.
Alexis:That's a lot of square footage and the cool part was that there were lots of drinks served, but the way each space was laid out, there were steps to get in, steps to get out, et cetera. So if you were too drunk you were trapped that's true, it was gonna make it.
Amber:It was kind of like its own uh maze, like if you were on the walking trail from one bar to the other, you just sort of had to walk it all the way through, even if your car wasn't parked over there then you're walking all the way back.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it didn't matter. It didn't matter if you're parked behind mary's okay, cool, yeah, you cross that to those. Uh, what is it? Was that wall that crosses right between there? Yeah, you cross that median without getting run over.
Alexis:Yes, at whatever time in the morning and then, you know, if you happen to be parked because maybe you had dinner or something up at rivas yeah then, you know, late at night there was this little triangle of trees there that were like a hotel, yeah it was like mugger central there you go the cruise, the, the after cruising station yeah, I felt like I belonged because they tried to mug me.
Amber:It didn't work out, but yes, yes, alexis has gotten into a few, uh, unfortunate mugging issues over there, but we were just talking about the other day.
Alexis:It used to be that if somebody got into an issue, these huge gay guys are super built that are ready to like beat someone up will come out and scream for help from mary's, yeah, mary's, and they would show up because they like beating up people and even if they didn't, when they showed up, you're like, oh shit yeah, I'm like oh shit, okay, well, you're can deal with them.
Speaker 4:now I'm going to go.
Alexis:You don't need me here anymore for this, and usually the car that brought the bad guys would just leave without them. Yeah.
Amber:So Alexis has a few could-have-went-worse stories that are not traumatic, that are self-defense stories.
Alexis:I think all of my stories are could went worse could have went worse 50 seconds if you have them. They'd go worse.
Amber:Yes, have you ever been?
Robin:mugged or anything.
Amber:Most of the time I know you do self defense stuff all the time oh yeah, not necessarily.
Robin:It was maybe an attempted mugging but it ended up just being a fight, not trying to bring up trauma.
Amber:no, no, these are fine, but also let's lean into it. No, just kidding, I mean.
Speaker 4:Oh, you're not talking about with other girls. Got it no? Usually a couple times over by it wasn't over near Chances or Mary's in that little area right there. It was always closer to, if we were over by Numbers.
Robin:And around that area over there, if we were walking from Numbers back over to that little part of the neighborhood right there, south Beach. That is where, yeah, yeah, that's where I got a little dicey a few times.
Speaker 4:And a friend of mine lived in those apartments. Because there's South Beach and then there's apartments like right across the street Like the mining company.
Amber:Yeah, yeah, papa Yega's.
Speaker 4:No, a little further down it's not further down.
Alexis:It's across from, there's still there from where you live by catches.
Amber:Okay, nuh-uh, nope.
Alexis:Nope.
Speaker 4:Further down, further down. It's like, literally, south Beach. You look across the street, they're right there. Those apartments have been there for ever Wonderful. We're just taking everyone on a Montrose map Nostalgia tour.
Amber:But also I love how Amber didn't say where she actually lived.
Alexis:Actually, I totally forgot about the fact that I was with a couple other people when someone tried to mug us there and my comment was look, we're too fucking drunk to mess with this. There you go. It's not going to work out because we can't get money out for you.
Robin:Yeah, I don't even know what I'm doing, and the person just went away.
Alexis:This isn't going to work and the person I was with, who frequently talks about how well, if anyone tries to mug me, and it's the macho thing that, and it's the macho thing that person was already leaving.
Amber:Oh my gosh, it's hard being in a situation where something might go down and you realize like that's not the friend to have with you.
Speaker 4:Oh, exactly, I have those friends and I'm like, clearly I'm going to be the one.
Alexis:But they're the ones who have told you all the stuff they're going to do to the people. Yeah, and it's like you're going to do it from over there.
Amber:I have no thankfully no stories of somebody trying to mug me, but although I have been uber aware in those neighborhoods. Amber and I went to a movie theater one time and a guy I got out of the car. I was just getting done from work. I was changing into some pants.
Alexis:So you were taking your clothes off.
Speaker 4:We were at the park and drive. Yeah, we were all 59.
Amber:Amber's getting out of the passenger seat. I'm in the driver's seat. I'm going to switch pants. Yes, I was taking my clothes off Morning to clarify for the audience.
Speaker 4:Just quick wardrobe change. You know, like you do, we were in the Mustang.
Amber:Yeah, out of work, drag into like theater drag, I guess. And so completely turned at me. And that is such an irritant for me because if he had gotten in an accident, I mean, whose fault is that, like I don't know?
Robin:It's yours, I don't know.
Amber:Anyways, I don't want to blame you, so I said I was not a kind person at the time but I said take a picture, it'll last longer.
Speaker 4:And Amber said but it wasn't a statement, like she just said. She screamed in the middle of this parking garage.
Alexis:Very quietly, I'm sure.
Amber:And Amber says no, robin, not right now. I have the wrong shoes for this.
Speaker 4:Actually, the phrase was more like god damn it, I don't have the right shoes for this shit Robin, but she was ready to roll.
Amber:I had some flip-flops that day and I'm like, oh well.
Speaker 4:I guess my toes are going to get jacked up today. Yeah, I was like I don't want.
Amber:my toes broke today, so if you ever need a co-pilot on support, amber's definitely ready, even when you're not.
Alexis:We've had a couple of times, Even when you're not. Yeah, we've had a couple of times when we've had situations at the Unity Banquet and we had to spend time telling people no, we'll take care of it.
Amber:You don't need to. Yes, amber and her wife are like uh we got it.
Robin:We got it. The best looking bodyguards you can ask for, maybe yeah.
Speaker 4:And they're ready to roll. Yeah, no, we're going to hit you now.
Amber:You walk away, they're like wait, we get to go to a banquet and roll someone.
Speaker 4:This is awesome hey, this is the best party we've been to in a while.
Amber:People are always worried like what are you going to do for security? I'm like half of these people can handle themselves.
Speaker 4:They'll be fine and the fact that they've made it to the age they are should tell you something Exactly. It's like what's this other, this brand that I follow? Sometimes they hit like beware of the old man that is in the world of young participates in the world of young men uh-huh like speaking more of combat sports in that aspect, but it's like same is true for anywhere.
Speaker 4:Beware the person that is older in a world that is experiencing a lot of violence, because that's the person you don't pick the fight with like you're like, no, no, no, I've explained to people.
Alexis:I don't have enough energy to do anything but kill you? Yeah, exactly I can't have this fight thing. It's fun. I just have to take you out as fast as I can.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and it's not going to be the way you think either.
Alexis:I'm going to pick up the heaviest, meanest thing I can swing at you and it's going to be that and repeatedly and when it comes to ours, it'll just be me with all of my weight right on top of some very sensitive spot of yours. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Ruthless, ruthless, ruthless, the most ruthless, and that's the thing too, like, I think, people who are either ready or willing to do these kind of things, like I have I thought I was the only one who did this until I started hanging around and ellen a few of my other friends like is I have? I take stock. I'm like what are they good at, what are they not good at? If it's shit goes down, what are they gonna do?
Amber:what am I gonna have to do? Okay, so you're like constantly zombie apocalypse. Your friends and I didn't know that people didn't do that, I didn't know that people didn't do that until I started talking to other friends.
Alexis:I wonder we got along so well. I didn't know where the exits are in the room you didn't notice the 15 different things in the room of people.
Amber:I'm going to be a man down with this person.
Speaker 4:Clearly they don't see these things, so I am, and so crank up the paranoia just a tad today. And then or alertness.
Robin:It's not paranoia.
Speaker 4:It's not it's not, yeah, it's preparedness, right and always being ready. So that way, if you don't have to fight and you get the hell away because hitting people hurts.
Robin:It doesn't feel good.
Speaker 4:Right, you won't feel it. You're like why, why, why? And then I think it's also important to know, I think, whether you're a fighter, whether you're not. I think it's important to know. Everybody in the world should know what it's like to get hit in the face, so that how you're gonna react, you're not the only person that says that you need to know what it feels like to have somebody your size overpower you.
Speaker 4:You need to know what it feels like to have somebody bigger than you overpower you and what you're gonna do in that situation. And then, conversely, you need to know what it feels like to get punched in the face and the nose is one thing, because everybody's eyes water and you're like I'm crying my nose, I gotta hit the nose and then what it feels like to get hit in the jaw or the eye or anything like that, and I'm like well, how do you respond? Some people respond with like yeah, and they, you know, respond quickly. Some people respond with like, and they, you know, respond quickly. Some people get angry and go forward. That's me. I'm gonna have to guess that's probably you, and I don't think you're too far behind.
Amber:I was going to say that would be called gosh adrenaline yeah, yeah, it's like okay, I've got two minutes, here we go it is good to know, because even our most trained professionals don't know until they're in a moment and they freeze.
Speaker 4:You know it's, it's important to know and every situation can be different. You might react differently in every situation, so the more you can practice it, I was gonna say yeah and you know, my thing is, I tend to react before.
Alexis:I think that too, if it's something attacking me. Yeah, just go and. And you know it's like oh, I do not.
Amber:I go into like a big thinking bubble that's when you die.
Alexis:How can I phrase it? And we'll be done by then.
Robin:Yeah, we'll be done.
Speaker 4:Why are you still thinking about this? We're waiting on you now.
Amber:We already did our part, amber and I have had a few conversations that I'll probably not be the one to be leading the zombie apocalypse. I'll be the one that takes care of people along the way, and then eventually dies.
Robin:I need you to run faster friend it was going to happen anyway.
Alexis:I'm glad we're done with the zombie parties. By the way, I hated those. Yes, I mean you know, it's always stupid things. Speaking of stupid things, I think my phone's decided to ring all day.
Amber:Go for it. It's going to be only now.
Alexis:I'm not even going to look at it to ring all day.
Speaker 4:Go for it. Do you want to see who it is?
Amber:I'm not even going to look at it, it's going to be the it's because you're doing something else.
Alexis:I'll sit there and nobody will call me or talk to me while I'm trying to do nothing and you know, I thought about taking it off the hook and I'm like, if I do that, it'll go, I'll, I don't think it's a big deal.
Amber:It's easy to get rid of the sound. I mean it may not even show up.
Alexis:No big deal, no big deal. But you know when I was talking to him? This is in a silent studio.
Amber:We're good.
Alexis:At least there's not like a bunch of long guys or something here, Except you know it takes me forever to catch my breath after going up to the third floor. Yeah, well, but the zombie parties and those sorts of things, yeah, you know I always used to do the zombie killer approach, okay. And the real question was I had like two very fake machetes that I usually sort of wore on my back, and sometimes I didn't have fake machetes in them, you never know. More than once I've reached back and started to pull. That has a lot of weight to it. I think we'll just not do that one.
Speaker 4:Amber and Alexis like knives yeah, knives are nice things knives are great, and then learning how to throw them properly is also fun. Little party trick. People are like oh wait, and you're like and it goes and it stays, and they look cool. When you don't look cool is when you throw it just wrong yeah you're like coming back sticks in your foot.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you have to do a quick head, but you know, you know what the worst thing than throwing knives, and doing that is throwing a tomahawk and having to bounce back. Yes, oh scary, I have some in the corner, one that was just gifted by alexis that stays where I can reach it at all times and then I have two that are professional throwers in the back, because going to the axe throwing places is not right, that's when they're running away, I mean when they're running toward you.
Alexis:You never do anything if they're running away.
Amber:They turned around at the last second.
Robin:I'm racing them to get in front of them.
Amber:No, I said face me.
Speaker 4:This won't look good if you're running.
Alexis:My thing normally is to try my strength, which is to start talking to them.
Amber:Yes, de-escalation tactics, and no, okay, okay. So put it in a real scenario that actually happened, outside of chances and before Mary's, where a guy pulled a knife on you.
Alexis:Oh, whatever you can try to talk about that one, Look at her. She was like knife schmikes. Well, the person was.
Amber:We like knives, unless it's the muggers, and then we're not impressed. First of all you shame them about their knife size.
Alexis:That's too small but you know, first thing was, for some reason, immediately my car was parked up by reba, I immediately threw my purse toward my car. Okay, because you know usually they're gonna go chase it. It went under the car. Oh, damn it. That's sort of what he said, as he's looking away like, and I'm like this isn't going to end the way you want it.
Alexis:Just so you know crucial statement and the real question is one of us is going to be bleeding on the concrete and you don't know for sure who it is. I'm thinking it's not going to be me I'm gonna steal that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm stealing it.
Amber:This isn't gonna go the way you think it's gonna go, because they always have a plan. But it's only one point.
Alexis:We've already disrupted the plan, and I'm like you know, because what I think is going to happen is you're going to probably try to stab me with the knife to begin with. You have to stab me like 11 times before it takes me down like are you in shape?
Alexis:yeah, it'll hurt and I got all that, but in the meantime you're gonna be dead, because once we start getting physical, I can't afford to do anything but kill you right. And so you know I don't think it's going to go real well, and I have had people say well, how are you going to do that? However, I can't and they look up when they say that and I reach and grab their carotid artery in their neck and by this time they're in trouble.
Alexis:I have a really good grip yeah, I'm not letting go and I usually have long pointy fingernails and I'm like, basically I'm going to poke these through your skin, grab your artery and rip it out and I'm sitting with two people who test their grip strength like on a regular basis.
Alexis:I've been meaning to buy a new one of the measuring things off amazon, because I lost my old one, yeah, and then, and you know, and it's funny because the minute they take a step back and their eyes get big, you're like, look, best thing for you is put the knife away and just walk away. Walk away a block. That'll give me plenty of space Make it like a long walk where you're huffing and puffing.
Amber:That'll be plenty of space. It's Houston. It was just an exciting night. Yeah, there you go In that particular case with the purse. Make it over to the next bar. Yeah, I have to crawl under my car to get my purse.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you need to be safe to reach that you know, like what are you doing.
Alexis:And I had a really similar situation in Washington one time. I was up there working for the government at that time I'm not sure whose government it was, but the hotel. I had was in Georgetown and you know whatever they got but sip of coffee time.
Amber:Yes.
Alexis:We're having coffee mugs.
Amber:We're rocking the skull mugs.
Alexis:today it was like you know, a nice hotel down the street there was. You know, I was wanting something to eat. Didn't want to eat in the hotel, so wandered down the street to a pizza shop. Incidentally, this was a pizza shop that they claimed Hillary was running all sorts of things out of.
Amber:Okay, so some people might know that pizza shop.
Alexis:They might, I didn't, and you know was there started talking to people. We're sitting around talking and it gets dark. It was daylight. The street was full of people in cars when I went. You you know it's getting fairly late and I think they're closing or something, and so I head back to my hotel, which is about three blocks away.
Alexis:you know, uphill all the way, and there's nobody on the street, there isn't a car to be seen, and and there's all sorts of all sorts of storefronts on both sides of it, and these are the old storefronts that have sort of like the deep the doors way in, you know, so that it preserves heat in the winter. You know all that kind of stuff. And so as I'm walking along I happen to smell some cigarette smoke and I figure out it's coming from one of the storefronts, and so I stop and I'm like OK, so you're smoking, I smell it. Bad move on your part. So I know where you are. So why don't you just come on out? So this person comes out and I'm like here's the question.
Amber:What are we doing? Because, by the way, I mean, you were there with.
Alexis:you know, surprise, et cetera was what you were going for. I was going to walk past. You were going to come up behind me and probably stick me, take a knife, you know up against me and demand my money. Well, surprise is gone, so this isn't going to go.
Amber:well, Right, this isn't going to go well.
Alexis:I happen to have been wearing a trench coat.
Amber:Not a good fashion anymore. Well, maybe we're in Houston.
Alexis:There's no reason for trench coats. Oh no, that didn't work pretty well, and then my hands were in my pockets, okay, and I'm like and so what you have to figure out is why this dumpy older guy because I've had no hair for a very long time isn't worried. That's what you really need to be thinking about right now, because I'm standing here, we're having a discussion and I'm thinking you're going to end up bleeding on the pavement don't be dying today.
Alexis:It'll be one of those mysteries and I don't think people are going to investigate really hard to figure out what happened to you, or you can walk back into your little hole back there, turn and face the wall. I'll walk past, go back to my hotel and you can find somebody else that isn't aware and took a step toward him and he took a step back I just won gotcha and I took another step toward him and he took another step back.
Alexis:I'm like, all the way, turn your back. Only reason I want you to turn your back is I don't have, I don't want to have to walk backwards up this damn hill.
Speaker 4:And so he goes turns around and I go on back to my hotel Always mess with their minds If you can get to it the way you go.
Speaker 4:And here's the thing.
Speaker 4:I always had this thought in my head too, a long time ago, like I heard a story about things that well, I can a story about things that well, I can tell the story. But the premise of it is is crazy, doesn't know when it's won. Crazy also, don't know when it's lost. So if you have that same mentality of well, this thing is going to happen and it's not going to go the way you think, because I'm not going to stop and it's got, I'm going to escalate it to the point where there's no return, you kind of end up in have the mindset in the face that usually matches that and you watch them to make sure that you understand what they're thinking and all that, which is pretty easy usually and, like I said, when their eyes get big or if you take a step toward them and they back up you know, I mean, if nothing else you can catch them half a step if you had to, but usually you don't have to because at that point they've given up because it's not going the way they wanted.
Alexis:And a lot of the people, I suspect their entire life is not going the way they wanted, right exactly, so they're sort of used to this, yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean, and to quote Mike Tyson, everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth, yeah.
Robin:Like he's right.
Speaker 4:The muggers have a plan until shit doesn't go the way the script went in their head and you throw them off, they take a step back, they start to doubt what they thought and they're like wait a minute, this person's not not registering. They're supposed to be scared, they're supposed to be this and you might still be scared, but you don't show it and you're like, oh, but they're gonna come forward and they might be doing it scared. And then it's like have you ever tried to back a like wild animal into a corner?
Amber:it doesn't go well, they might still die, but it's not going to go well for you either right, but is it worth that trouble?
Speaker 4:is that juice worth the squeeze that thing? Then they start going in their mind and then that's when you go forward and this whole process happens in less than what a second or two.
Alexis:I mean, it's not that long to flow, you can't pause, and no pausing, it's continuing, just has to flow and you have to go. And the funny part is, I started having fun.
Speaker 4:Yes, and I started grinning. That's hilarious, that's funny. Oh, now you keep going with it and I'm like oh, this has just turned into a game.
Alexis:Yeah, we're playing now, right, how can I?
Speaker 4:fuck with you more, because you've now made my day and it's like okay, so it foot. Yeah, okay, and you're 5'10", 5'9", yes.
Alexis:And I'm 6'4" Okay.
Speaker 4:Even in heels. I'm not even 5'5" and I don't wear them. So we'll say, doc Hortons, I don't know.
Amber:Like 5'2".
Speaker 4:That's best, and so it's a little bit different of a game for me. Right, good point made if the person who should be afraid older individual with nobody around and walking calmly. Smaller individual with no one around and still walking calmly and is now looking you dead in the face and laughing or telling you that this isn't going to go the way you think, why?
Robin:that should cross your mind, and if you didn't think it, I'm going to point it out like you really should think about that yeah, and is this going to?
Speaker 4:be worth your time, effort, no, so why don't you just do this? So I don't again have to walk up to the back hill or whatever it happens to be, and off you go. It doesn't always go that smooth, no, no. Or it doesn't always end up with them not challenging that.
Amber:And know and, like you said, you can't practice every scenario, but sometimes when people practice, they don't practice the scenario that they most likely would be, and so like in alexis's case, we had a self-defense teacher donate his time to come to the tg center at one point and it sounds great and it's good and everything, but then people show up in fitness clothes.
Alexis:Well no you're wearing your fitness clothes and alexis says I would mainly be wearing heels and I'm trying to have five inch heels, that then people are like, oh, and I'm like, yeah, this is where I have to be able to defend myself. And, by the way, five inch heels are basically significant weapons, weapons, yeah, yeah, you know.
Alexis:all I can tell you is that if you push me back and I'm laying on my back on the ground, do not get over my knees and legs. There you go, that heel will go right through you. But yeah.
Amber:He was demoing with her and he said don't hurt the teacher, Don't hurt the teacher.
Robin:Volunteers, volunteers yeah, here's what happened.
Alexis:We got this person who volunteered and that was really nice. Great person, and we were a little short of the number they wanted for a class, and so people were recruited.
Amber:Oh, didn't understand. They recruited like I didn't get to go to this. No, probably not. It was a long time ago, it was actually over off of Pacific Street by the Club Blur, but it happened randomly. Well, I mean, you were over at the TG, yeah, club blur, but yeah it happened.
Alexis:Well, I mean, you went to tg center, but I don't think you went. You weren't in that class, oh yeah, and so there were, I think, five people who had never had anything with, uh, self-defense in their life, right, and so then, to fill in, they found me. I have never had a class and you can go check all the records you can ever find and you'll find I've never had any kind of class and then the other person was a person named monique, who rode motorcycles and you know, had transitioned and was a professional bodyguard oh, okay
Speaker 4:that will be on record. Those classes will be.
Alexis:Yeah super cool. You know the the new people after the first night were very not happy because the first night was all awareness. Surprise, surprise, that's, that's the important part.
Speaker 4:Situational awareness is the key and and so you know.
Alexis:Then you know, the next night it was like how to get away? Well, they didn't like that either. And it's you know. The next night it was like how to get away? Well, they didn't like that either. And it's like you know runs, just you know best thing is awareness. Don't get into it.
Alexis:Second best thing is run, run, run. You know, and, and so you know they they were totally disappointed. And so then it came to the okay, they've got you. Now what do you do? And this is where the new people were having fun, and so the first thing that happened on one of them, I was picked as a demo person and, you know, grabbed, and all of a sudden it just something kicked in and I'll show you this Again she reacts without thinking.
Speaker 4:Basically, hand went to the side of the person's head and I was like this and that's when I get, don't hurt the I get, don't hurt the instructor, don't hurt the instructor and it was about to say oh, I'm just going to crush your throat yeah, it's going to actually come in on the side, right here, straight down the middle, right there, and that's done yeah, and I'll sit back and maybe call the paramedic, maybe pass out.
Alexis:Yeah, maybe, maybe not.
Speaker 4:I can hurt you and save you. You should be grateful.
Alexis:But then we were laughing because the next person that was picked was the person who was a professional bodyguard. Similar things happen for a different scenario, and so we started joking that basically this instructor's main thing they said the last three nights were don't hurt the instructor, don't hurt the instructor and then he would explain to everyone.
Alexis:Okay, you know, there's one of the things you need to know and that is when you're compromised. He said when because he said what the only thing I could have done on any of those things where you heard me saying, don't hurt the instructor, is just drop my knees and let myself hit the floor and hope they don't come with me. Yeah, and he said because when you're compromised, you're compromised.
Speaker 4:Know when to cover up, know when to protect the vital spots.
Alexis:And he said but you have to remember, this is real, so there's no tap out on this stuff, so you have to just say okay, this is not going to go. Well, how do I make?
Speaker 4:it go better.
Alexis:And so it was a totally different thing than they were thinking about. Yeah, and then it would be the fun.
Speaker 4:Oh me, the fun part would be if, being the self-defense instructor, it'd be like I would encourage everyone to get put to the position where you're not. You're in that position. Oh, he did oh he did.
Amber:Oh perfect, yes, he did.
Alexis:And the approach he took was he said okay, so who would like to see the situation we're talking about? And he had us do it, but he was making sure that we didn't kill him Please don't kill me, but he was making sure that we didn't kill him.
Alexis:And so then he explained like you know, in my case it's like head tilted, back turned a little bit and you know, ready, ready to do a pretty strong hit, with fingers tucked under, so it had plenty of room to get under the chin. You know, I mean to be really blunt, you don't want to accidentally sprays off the chin if you're going for a throat, yeah, and he said. Now he said what's going to happen? He said do it slowly. And I did, and they're like that just hurt being touched. He said, exactly, and if you've been hit, you're dead unless somebody revives you or does something. And he said if you see that or know that, just do something yeah, these things are very serious.
Amber:I've had minimal EMS training, but the thing that like stuck with me is no, we actually just die Like there's not a lot. It's not a video game Like we don't.
Robin:We don't just regenerate, it's real, yeah.
Amber:Like. Everyone should feel what it feels like to have a little pain.
Robin:So they know like yeah, this is real, it should hurt a little yeah this
Alexis:is real and here you go, I've been teaching scuba diving for a lot of years and I was not a cave diver and I could never understand why someone would want to stick their head in a you know a hole with water in it and I just I could never understand.
Alexis:And so somebody had one of my instructors had been after me to do a demo class with him, he was our cave instructor and finally, just to shut him up, I'm like, okay, go to Cozumel with us, we'll run over to the Yucatan, I will do it. But you know, if I don't like it, I don't like it and you get to shut up about trying to get me to. And went in, got into the cave and I sort of stopped and he thought I was panicking and so after we finally came up, he said so what was going on there? I said, well, I was hovering there in mid water because I'm like, oh fuck, this is one of the neatest things I've ever done. I'm gonna cost me so much money and time and Damn it, I like it, shit.
Alexis:And he said, oh, so you like it. I'm like yes, and I was cussing myself underwater for liking it, et cetera. And so then it's like, okay, so for real cave, this was like the demo. I asked all the instructors I know and I knew a lot of them because we were like one of the premier dive group or dive companies and I'm like, so if it wasn't you, who would you say was the best cave instructor? And everybody said the same person said but he's somewhat of an asshole and he's not very nice and he's really hard.
Alexis:And I'm like sounds like my person exactly, and so his name was Chris Lameo, he was French. We made it even worse. But, you know, lynn saw Chris and said okay, you know, I want to take classes with you. And Chris is like why I'm not nice? And I'm like that's why. And he's like, okay, we may get along. Okay, we may get along. And you know, and Chris's big thing was you would go, you would do a practice dive to talk about different skills and to get the skills.
Speaker 4:And you come back out and Chris would say well, you just killed your whole fucking team. Perfect, Thank you very much.
Alexis:How do I not do that? No one lived, oh no, I think we're going to have to do better than that. Let's try this all again and I'm like are you going to tell me what I did wrong? He says no, you need to figure it out because it'll be a different thing next time oh my gosh, and I'm like wait, wait every time yeah, you can't, you don't know the scenario and eventually, you found out that you just killed two of your team members, as opposed to all of them.
Robin:Or one of your team members.
Alexis:I mean I felt good when I only killed one. I'm like, can I pick who I killed? Yeah, who do we?
Speaker 4:not like today.
Alexis:And so then pretty soon he's like huh, I don't think anyone died Nice, and you know, and he basically was so picky, it was unbelievable and I liked all of it. And after the first couple times, when you know, he's like, well, I think that was close to okay, so we can probably go on to something else, and I'm like, no, close to okay is not what I'm going for right. No, I mean, this is the type thing that if it's not right, it could kill people, and it may be me.
Alexis:Yeah, yeah, chris is like yeah, we're getting along fine I think people don't gloss over those details.
Amber:You know what I mean.
Alexis:Yeah, it's sort of like when you're doing physical therapy and you go upstairs and come downstairs and you come downstairs perfectly fine, except maybe you don't do it exactly the way it was scripted and somebody says need to do it again.
Amber:She's talking about me. She was being checked out of the hospital and she had stairs. And on one of the trials of the first trial on one of the stairs. She didn't quite make the foot lift and like that could trip you, yeah. So I was like she has to do it again.
Speaker 4:She has three sets of stairs, you know, and she gave me the look of death you probably live in two and maybe give me the middle finger, as I went up and you just like don't forget that.
Amber:Look like.
Amber:And then I did it again yeah, well, and uh, amber's a physical therapist assistant by trade, and I was just thinking when we were talking about these uh scenarios of do you stay, do you go, do you run? Alexis was going through uh knee replacement on both of her knees and the physical therapy person said, well, we're going to have to get you back up to running. And she says you assume I'm going to run. That's a bold assumption. Well, one of the podcast questions that I think we'll ask people just sort of universal questions is and you're, you've got a lot of training in this is what do you think has gotten you through? Fear, fear, because we all have fear, we all have failure. You can look at it either way, and we've kept going. What? What has you keep going?
Alexis:If you can pinpoint a few things, for when you have failure, while Amber's thinking, can I point something out? Sure, amber's wearing a t-shirt that said surviving, purely out of spite.
Amber:There you go, part of it Part of it yeah, fear or failure. What keeps you going in?
Speaker 4:fear or failure. I am fucking hard-headed in type A. There's one.
Speaker 4:Hard-headed in type A, the other part is is um, challenge is a good thing. Challenge and do it scared. I'm not afraid of challenge. I'm not afraid. I don't like failure. I don't like it. I like things to be done well and done perfectly. But I also understand that that's unrealistic and that you should. Out of struggle comes growth and that's important. You need to understand those things so that helps push through fear. So sometimes fear is context dependent. So, like things I can't control, well, I can control how well I do it. I can control how much I try. I can control so many factors. What can I control? Well, I can't control if I live or die. That's out of my control. So I try not to think about it too much.
Speaker 4:I think about it but I don't ruminate too much over it because I ultimately can only control that for so much right but I also like to have a good time and frequently do say safety second um, because I get impulsive and I'm gonna jump off that thing, why I'm gonna go play with that alligator. What there's no good reason other than it looked fun.
Amber:Um, amber and alexis have one thing in common that if, when and if we find them dead, the final line would be I shouldn't have done that, it didn't work out the way I thought it would it would probably be the last phrase you're going to say or have a shirt at home.
Speaker 4:Like you know, life is not meant to arrive in a nice, tidy package at the end with no scars or blemishes. Life is meant to arrive at the end skidding in sideways, crashing in full of bumps and bruises and scrapes, with all these scars saying woo, what a ride. Yeah, like it's not meant to, yeah you won't experience and so if you're, too scared to do the thing, then you should do it scared, okay? Because?
Alexis:odds are you're gonna come that sort of got to my question.
Speaker 4:I was waiting to ask you yeah, like do it scared, do it tired, do it With joy like it, would it? Doesn't matter, you could be all of those things at one time. But, like fear wise, just do it anyway. Yeah, if you want to do it, do it.
Alexis:Do you find fear to a certain degree energizes you a little bit yeah?
Speaker 4:Yeah, um, I do jiu-jitsu right now and the the scary part is going with people that are much bigger and better than you. And then we have one guy he plays. He played football for A&M, he was a lineman, so he's 6'4", 6'5" and about 220, 225. And I have another one that's he played rugby and he's about the same size and I'm like you, as I'm pointing up, pointing, you know, like let's go.
Amber:And I'm like, how tall are you? 5'1 and a half. On a good day, that's my shoes I'm wearing that day 5'1 and a half, and then, how much do you?
Speaker 4:weigh, as of this morning, 131. So you're pointing out I choose you, I choose you. We got 100 pounds heavier than me. God, that's also muscle, jesus Christ. And so the point is that it's scary if somebody that big is coming after you. It's scary to think about and to feel, when somebody is actually trying to control their weight and moving with you and letting you work, how ineffective some things may or may not be. And so if you're scared, do that in a control environment, cause then, when it comes down to the real environment this is just a loose example Then you have a little bit more confidence, cause you know it doesn't, doesn't work, what you are and are not going to have to do and what the stakes are and what that actually feels like. So that's in that context with physicality, as far as like jumping into unknown um, school or life choices, it's just like well, is this juice worth the squeeze? Is it scary? Yeah, I knew it. Anyway, resilience is a thing, that's yeah, joining my research.
Alexis:Usually I find that just a little voice and I'm like, okay, this is scary as hell. I'm like we're gonna do it, aren't we?
Speaker 4:yeah what alexis just said. There's a whole dialogue in my head. That is just like that.
Alexis:I find that just a little voice and I'm like okay this is scary as hell.
Speaker 4:I'm like we're going to do it, aren't we? Yeah, what Alexis just said, there's a whole dialogue in my head that is just like that, and it is one side of the brain saying one thing, the other side of the brain saying the other. I'm like, well, we could just sit here and it'd be nice and comfortable.
Amber:Yeah. The other side says it's boring and then sometimes there's a third part that's like all right, who's gonna do it? Like yeah, we're doing it, we're doing it. And it's like and alexis says, uh, uh, I'm scared. The other side says, oh, we're doing this.
Speaker 4:The third side just so we're doing it and white knuckling it through the entire process like you know, and then some of them sometimes you don't know what you're doing. Sometimes you go into this weird thing and you have a concept of what's going to happen and you're like great, but you, there's these unknown factors that might get thrown at you. That's the fun, scary part. Cave diving is terrifying. You've told me about that before and I'm like uh-uh well and I should have added I'm claustrophobic.
Amber:That's the natural response to that, because we're not supposed to be doing that as humans like yeah that is a natural response, as I said and I'm claustrophobic and safety second um because
Speaker 4:even with all the controls that you learned and killed less and less people as you train, which is fantastic, um the there's still that x factor.
Alexis:There's always an x factor well, I used to tell people that you know, when it comes to technical diving and cave diving is technical diving there's other technical diving, like going really, really deep and doing things that require specialized gases and all that. I sort of like technical diving because if you screw up you die. It's just simple, it's easy math. There's no gosh you might be hurt. Nope, you screw up, you die.
Speaker 4:And if you don't die? It wasn't a screw-up like this turned out great.
Amber:Well, and this is great because another question we'll ask and we could just do it now is what's the meaning of life?
Alexis:like just yeah, yeah I mean that could be the answer for you. What's the meaning of life?
Speaker 4:I could say the boring answer and be like oh happiness, finding happiness. No, I think the meaning of life is experiencing as much as possible. Learning and growing, enjoying yourself, having a good time, experiencing all the things, whether it be good, bad or indifferent. Don't limit, go, do? I don't know what that food tastes like. I'm going to eat it. I didn't like it, I like it. I don't know what that food tastes like. I'm going to eat it. I didn't like it, I like it. I don't know what it feels like to be on a high wire.
Robin:I'm not saying you should do this, but maybe I'll start five feet off the ground, but just to experience different things.
Alexis:That's when you break your neck.
Speaker 4:Yes, you have to full send. When it's scary, you full send.
Robin:If you think about it, that's when you get hurt.
Speaker 4:It's If you think about it, that's when you get hurt, and it's the same thing if you're jumping from one spot to another, if I think about how far that's five feet. I'm five feet tall.
Amber:I should probably. How much muscle Do you? Feel taller in your head, or are you like factoring in five feet?
Robin:No, I don't. When you're doing these things, I still feel five feet, okay, no.
Speaker 4:Never do I feel any bigger than what I am. Okay, that's the meaning of life For me. It's like learning things new. The minute you stop getting curious about anything, I think you're in trouble, like it could be something small, like I'm not giving big examples like walking on a high wire. It could be.
Speaker 4:I've never done that puzzle like that before or I've never seen that and it could be an animal on an animal show and you want to look it up because now we have the power of Google and you can just start doom scrolling all about you know, meerkats or something like that. Sure, so, being curious about your world and your environment and wanting to have experiences, how big or small that they are, it's not wanting to stop, I think.
Robin:I don't know.
Amber:I'm kind of curious by nature, yeah, it doesn't have to have a final answer, but that's really awesome, like it could be an inquiry that you're in and we're going to probably do something with that with each guest. So thank you.
Amber:Not that there's a right answer, but in all this conversation it reminds me of not just you know when you might be caught off guard in person coming out from bars, but Alexis has a story where she was caught off guard at a university where somebody wanted to come in and try to pull one over on her from blackmailing her. Oh, oh, yeah, oh, tell this one when he came in.
Alexis:Just in case people haven't figured it out, I'm a transgender person. What?
Speaker 4:This is brand new information. You feel tricked.
Alexis:Says the person who has helped me dress at two banquets and so you know, I'm sitting in my office at a very conservative, religious named university and someone walks in and lays out a whole envelope of, uh you know, fairly large envelope and has black and white photographs of me going to a rather kinky event. I think I might have been in latex.
Amber:Just for those that are curious about that specific part.
Alexis:They weren't very good pictures, but you could tell it was me and I wouldn't have denied it because it was true.
Amber:How dare him not get a good picture? That's the wrong angle, sir. If they'd been?
Alexis:good pictures. I might have paid him for him. And he says you know, if you don't give me twenty five thousand dollars right now, um, you know, I'm gonna tell people about these and I'm like for a second I'll start sweating and I go into mild panic. And then this other part of my mind comes in and says this isn't going to happen.
Speaker 4:And I'm like.
Amber:So this is wonderful because people stay at home and they worry like what happens if someone finds out about me is for X, y and Z? What happens if someone you know corners me for X, y and Z? What happens if you know whatever? And so you guys have had actual scenarios. So your brain says what in the moment?
Alexis:Yeah.
Amber:My brain says this isn't going to happen.
Alexis:Oh, this isn't going to happen and I said so. Who are you going to tell? Yeah, good question he said well, I'm going to tell your employer. I pick up the phone, call the president of the university. I said somebody's sitting across from me that said that they're going to show you some pictures of me doing some kinky things if I don't give them twenty five thousand dollars I mean check me and and so I didn't see that coming, so I'm gonna make a phone call and then so he said you need security.
Alexis:I'm like give me a few minutes because we're now starting to have fun.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I'm like, so ruin it who else you're gonna?
Alexis:call well, I'm gonna call your family. I pick up the phone, call my mom. I hey there's a guy sitting across the desk from me that says that you know, if I don't give him $25,000, he's going to send you some pictures of me doing some kinky stuff as a girl. Uh-huh, yeah, mom. Thanks. My mother says that if you call her she's going to have you killed by the way she can. Thanks, mom thanks, mom.
Alexis:I'll talk to you later, and at this point he's not looking so good, but go, mom, yeah, and, and you know, and, and I'm like I'm gonna have him killed just tell him I'm gonna have him, I'll have him killed, and she can and so then you know so who else you're going to tell. He says, well, tell your neighbors. I'm like okay, so you want me to call?
Amber:all my neighbors.
Alexis:Okay, radio announcer on one side that I have gone out with, or do you want me to call the uh fashion rep on the other side, that gets me clothes and we party all the time together we're learning a lot about you, alexis and he says, well, you better not try to stop me leaving. I wouldn't think of it.
Amber:There's the door, here you are, and the security. He goes out the door.
Alexis:Just after he gets out the door, security shows up. They had a security who, by the way, at SMU that's the school that it was at SMU is a Texas Ranger. Perfect, and he says so. Where is he? And I'm like the black car right out there. Point to his car. That's backing out. He didn't make it off campus.
Amber:Texas Rangers are special.
Robin:Yes they are.
Alexis:And I was like that actually felt pretty good and nobody asked a question. There were no repercussions, Nice, Except for one person who said I didn't know that you liked those things. We need to go out. Can I go out with you too, it was a really good friend of mine before and after we went to.
Amber:Alexis to pick up a date? Yeah, at the end of the story.
Speaker 4:It happens. I think a big part of this and it may, and you can tell me how you feel about it. It's my family has told me. They were like from I was couldn't, like I was three and could have my own little personality develop and was moving around in the world to even to into an adult. They're like you have been yourself your entire life. You march to your own drum, and if people want to march to your drum, great. If they don't, great. You don't really give a shit. You're gonna do what you're gonna do. And you, I guess, a little comfortable with yourself, which translated all the way into my entire life If you don't like it, okay, bye, like it did. So I don't know how much that translates into this bigger picture, as when you get older you're like okay, great. Who are you going to tell hey, guess what? And then you call them and tell them yourself which number one takes the power out of the argument for them and then mind you.
Amber:It's not going to happen there. That's true If you don't put a lot of worry into what people think about you. You've already given your defense.
Alexis:You're already giving them that credit gone and his problem was he didn't realize how I'm not going to put myself into that position and how much I like money.
Speaker 4:Yes, yes, things that other variables that he did not. I mean if he said a thousand dollars.
Alexis:Oh, this would have been harder, yeah because, you know who knows 25?
Amber:no way, no, I mean yeah no, don't rob the, the people who like their money but you know, and the other thing was, it's like okay this is a game we're playing now let's go and also go.
Amber:Moms like amber has a mom that I have always seen her go to your softball games and, you know, go out to the club afterward this lesbian club to dance. I mean she was just always around having fun and she just always loved you. You know, like what? Like this is my kid and actually I like having fun with my kid. You know she's so cute.
Speaker 4:Yeah, she's amazing we were talking one day and she goes it was, oh, it was the last time our current administration had gotten elected. So things got a little dicey for me, because I moved back to a small town, sure.
Amber:So people got a little emboldened to say what they thought, and so you often live around mixed groups of people and you have to go in and out of different type of belief circles and political circles. Yeah, and most of the time I don't care.
Speaker 4:I'm a wandering and wandering. I don't register it the majority of the time, but it's a little bit harder when they actually come up and hit your grocery buggy with their grocery buggy and say whatever it is they think they can say, because they feel emboldened by certain other people saying what they think they should. Anyway, problem was it was she said she turned, we were in like a Mexican food restaurant. She's like. You know, I've been practicing because she's caught people staring, which is I don't register, I register it like cause we clock the room Right. Where's my exit? What are people doing? What are people wearing? Clocking, clocking, clocking. Who's the biggest person in the room Got it and who do I need to be aware of? And she goes. I've been thinking about it. If anybody says anything, this is what I'm gonna do and I'm gonna be like that's my bit like and I'm like, oh, you're so adorable please don't do that.
Amber:She's pulling out her little uh flagger card.
Speaker 4:Yeah, a little mama muscle, yes, and she didn't tell them she was going to kill them, but I have to think that maybe it was good and she would. She's gonna have to be here any minute.
Amber:You just just wait, and so yeah.
Robin:And so my dad Maybe not her, but she knows somebody.
Amber:Yeah, and my dad's coming around. Alexis' mom wasn't going to do it herself.
Robin:No, no, no.
Speaker 4:But she would have called someone. She knows somebody. She knows somebody. I'm going to call someone and just wait there.
Amber:Yeah, and so my dad took it Mom.
Alexis:See, you know I get it. Your mom was all involved, mine wasn't, but the big thing about it is I'm quite sure she saw this as a you're gonna call me and try and try to use it against my son, yeah, your baby, the inconvenience of it all, yeah exactly she says you're gonna be dead.
Robin:Yeah, you call me, you'll die yeah, you're like oh, let me kill you you think I have time for a phone call.
Amber:You're dead because you know she was like the totally typical southern belle type person on a pedestal.
Alexis:Wait, you're messing with my pedestal.
Amber:No, you're dying okay yeah, yeah, you know, okay, I don't think abra's mom's like that.
Alexis:I don't say but the key is if I had to guess you have to understand it and use it. Yeah, when I called, I call it's like okay, I mean I feel like she said the right thing.
Robin:I do too, but you're right, like just different moms.
Amber:Moms may say the same thing from different angles.
Alexis:I just held the phone away a little bit and repeated it to him and then went back and said thanks, mom, thanks mom, and she can and she will.
Amber:There can and she will. There's not a question mark here. This is a certainty.
Speaker 4:And then so your mom has been watching people clocking you in small towns with all the rhetoric going up and she's been preparing herself to what she's gonna stick up for you and what she's gonna say, which is not what she would have said.
Speaker 4:No, no, she would probably said something a little bit more colorful, and I've been like pointing a finger or something like that. What was she gonna say? Did she tell you no? No, she would probably have said something a little bit more colorful and have been like pointing a finger or something like that. What was she?
Amber:going to say did she tell you? No? No, she's just telling me she's thinking about it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and she's like I'm just I'm going to be like da, da, da, and I'm like okay, mom and I'm like is my dad going to be standing by me
Alexis:maybe I'm protecting two people a lot harder than protecting one.
Speaker 4:I'm like oh, they're going to make me mad because they're going to do something to you, and then I'm going to flip out and hit them with a chair and I'm like damn it and it's like we're going to jail maybe not stay, but we're going to jail, we're going to go to jail and maybe I'll pull
Robin:a string or two.
Amber:This will have to take a string or two.
Robin:This is why you keep friends in all places.
Amber:Yes, we make friends with everyone, because you never know what's going to happen.
Speaker 4:I had the same conversation with my dad and I'm like dad you need, Because he tried to tell me just to be the duck and let it roll off my back or some stupid shit like that, and I'm like oh, dad like you do that Exactly. This is exactly what the fuck I said.
Robin:I was like okay, let's play that game.
Amber:We walk into Bucky's dad. Dad, when have you modeled that for me?
Speaker 4:yeah, exactly when have you ever taken shit from anyone?
Amber:I've never got it and I think I learned it also. I love your dad, but I just don't see that him doing that at all, not at all and it's a very accurate call 100 accurate and I was like dad, when have you ever done that number one?
Alexis:but let's pretend, let's walk into this Bucky's.
Speaker 4:Yeah, let's just roll this out, I'm gonna do something I'm gonna dress as gay as possible and for those of you who don't know, Buc-ee's are probably in a conservative area.
Alexis:Or they have big bathrooms so a lot of people go there, very mixed crowds, I was going to say it's technically a gas station Theme park, yeah, but it's more like a theme park. They have a wonderful shower.
Amber:Didn't you go into your first Buc-ee's when you went and did your San Antonio talk at the Texas Non-Discrimination Summit?
Alexis:No, before that, but it was San Antonio. It's like an experience.
Amber:It's really big for those that haven't been. I took my mom and, case in point, she's like why are they selling lawn flamingos here?
Robin:I mean it's just like everything from because they can.
Alexis:You're like in a rural area mostly, yeah, so you're not really thinking flamingos yeah, okay, and most people think it's a truck stop, but they don't let trucks in oh no, you can't be there so don't even try.
Amber:Sorry truckers, but they do have like a lot of clean solo stall bathrooms, so it's very helpful.
Alexis:And they have more food that tempts you than any place I've ever been.
Amber:So much food, but also good food. Yeah, yeah, but but I mean, there's also candies, there's, there's all the bad stuff and apparently they pay their employees pretty well, which is nice, but uh, you know, okay, so back to your dad and Bucky's and I was like, oh okay.
Speaker 4:So I was like we're going to walk in and I'm going to provoke somebody to say something to me by just existing.
Amber:Okay, and Amber's dad is how tall? Six foot.
Speaker 4:Okay, and usually has his cowboy hat on.
Amber:Yeah, he looks like a cowboy? Because he is and you're going to walk in behind me and be the duck, don't worry, I'll wait. And he goes no, no, that, that no, and I'm like well, why not, you shouldn't care, it's just a trial through bucky.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and he's all like you shouldn't care what other people think I was like. No, I don't care what other people think. You need to understand that this infringes now on safety. This now infringes on you're in my space and I don't know what you're gonna do. And it's not that I don't care what people think it does like you can like me or don't. I don't give a shit. It's now we're talking safety, dad right, and he's like well then, that's why I should.
Amber:I was like can't take him everywhere yeah, can't have that with me all the time, and if you're standing next to me, they're gonna be less, less inclined.
Speaker 4:You need to understand. This happens to me when you're not around and there's been, because when I moved out there would be two or three weeks, sometimes a month, that they wouldn't see me. It's because I had gotten into something at one of the bars and my face was all fucked up.
Robin:And I didn't want them to see that, and I'm like you should see the other person.
Amber:It's like I I'm fighting with the people on my way to get to my car. There you go. Your parents are aware of the fact that they have a gay kid in a non-accepting space and that kid has to go out into the world. So they are aware of this, but they haven't been with you all the time when you go into that world.
Speaker 4:Or register, or they think it's. Oh, it's just as simple as letting it go Right, and it go, or right, and sometimes it is that simple, but it's not. And when it happens repeatedly, I was like that is one thing that happens every now and again. Whatever, who cares? But if it happens continually right, or it only happens at certain times, when certain people get into office that say shit, and then people other people feel emboldened to just say shit because they're they don't think that people are going to punch them in the mouth or have something to say back you know, like they got a little too comfortable behind that keyboard or behind those screens during.
Speaker 4:COVID or whatever.
Alexis:Well, it frequently, does you know? Allow them to adjust their attitude and think a little more before they say something it does.
Amber:And your regular person and I don't again, I know your dad less than I know your mom. But somebody like your dad, alpha male, has mom. But somebody like your dad, alpha male, has worked really hard to provide almost everything by himself for his family. Yeah, I don't know that he walks into a place worried for his safety no, but he's equally as paranoid as I am.
Speaker 4:Is he registering? He does okay, okay.
Amber:does your mom walk into places worrying for her safety?
Robin:No, no, I'm just you know. Yes, but no Because she's on the smaller side and she's female.
Speaker 4:I think she's so used to having my dad. Yeah, a little history with them. They've been together since my mom was like 15 and my dad's always been big. He was six foot and 200 pounds by the time he was in junior high.
Amber:She's always had a big guy next to her. She's always had a big guy around her.
Speaker 4:And so having.
Amber:We'll say the word privilege and the support of knowing that it's a privilege that she's worked for and he was a relatively. That wasn't always easy.
Speaker 4:He wasn't exactly the nicest person in calling my mom to people because he just didn't have to be and he didn't tolerate things and people would say things and he would tolerate.
Amber:He wasn't doing the duck practice. No, he was definitely not a duck.
Robin:He was probably the alligator, and so just snapping at everything, and so he was like well, I was like no, you need to not tell me to turn the other cheek.
Speaker 4:I was like I need to understand how invalidating, dismissive that is and you need to just understand that it's different. I don't. I understand what you're trying to tell me because if I let it go, it's less chance for me to get hurt in engaging with somebody. Right right, I understand, I appreciate that as your dad, but you need to understand that if you're not going to practice what you preach, then don't talk to me like that.
Amber:And sometimes you identify as a gender ninja Ninja For those of us. You know, we're obviously not like a video situation here.
Robin:What is a gender ninja?
Amber:She's quite androgynous, really Well, used to be more so, but yeah.
Alexis:Androgynous. Wow, so you're walking into a. Buc-ee's.
Amber:Shocking. I know what is your experience. You're walking into a Buc-ee's. What's life like for Amber?
Speaker 4:I picked on Buc-ee's. It's usually H-E-B town. It's just been either confusion, especially if I'm wearing more baggy clothing or a hat or anything like that.
Amber:Um more so I just like buggies because like there's, like it's huge, there's travelers and it's a very mixed situation, but it's still relatively conservative from the start.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because it's in a rural area usually um, more so before, when I was, uh, bodybuilding more, and so my shape was a little bit different and I had the shorter hair. And then if I had had her hoodie on, you really couldn't. It was harder to tell. So to tell what if I was male or female to the outside, sitting in this room, it's not hard, I mean, we all can tell, and it's like you're like really, and I'm like yes, I know out and so the it would be different, because people want react with confusion and if people can't put things into categories, they get either whatever.
Speaker 4:they let it go because, like my gosh, I don't know, or they get upset because if they can't categorize it, it's a threat right I don't think that they have that conscious of a thought process, but that is what's happening right, we're all still animals.
Speaker 4:Yeah, this is before they're thinking so they either at that point when we get afraid we have our fight flight of threes and some of them might get mouthy, and so right, none of the fun features show up in that aspect. Um, they, um will either feel emboldened to come tell you, or it's that southern polite.
Amber:I'm gonna pray for you like oh, that's great thanks bye like I don't know what you're going to say. So you're on your way to the bathroom and they're dodging it, and an old lady hit me in the locker room one time with her walker, that was great. Okay, I was at 24 Hour Fitness. I was in the bathroom, so a locker room experience for Amber.
Speaker 4:An old lady hit you yeah.
Robin:So I have my headphones on and I'm just getting done washing my hands from peeing.
Speaker 4:I'm minding my own damn business.
Amber:So you're in the female locker room and you're serving like softball dike realness. Yes, okay, gotcha. Yes, that's accurate and so.
Speaker 4:I go to do something and I'm looking down.
Amber:I'm not even looking around the locker room because in my experience as a gay person, in a female locker room you should probably keep your eyes forward because people get all bajiggy about shit.
Robin:Right, and you and abby wombeck have a similar experience from an olympian level to where you're at that day like you get conditioned to like, not boob.
Amber:Check each other, right yeah and so it's weird.
Speaker 4:So I'll go about this story another time. But it's weird sometimes when now, like I'll be talking with friends that are heterosexual at the gym at school and they're just talking away and I'm like this is different.
Robin:Yeah, you're talking to me, yeah, yeah, so the um I'm in there and I'm standing there and next thing I know, I feel this, you know those four-wheeled rolling walkers with the handles, yeah they got the brakes and this lady yeah, and I'm five one.
Speaker 4:She barely came up to my nose, so it's this little time and I feel this bam like right into the side of my leg. I'm like ouch, and I turn and look and I'm like thinking maybe she fell right my physical therapy brain is coming in like, oh, I'm gonna have to pick her up yeah yeah, did you break your hip, like what just?
Speaker 4:happened. Yeah, oh my gosh, we're in a bathroom. You slipped and fell right so I turn around and she's just making this angry face at me and she's I'm like, can I help? What, what, what?
Amber:and she's like what?
Speaker 4:right, I pop my earplugs out and she goes you're in the wrong bathroom. And I'm like what? And she goes this is my girl's bathroom, locker room, whatever the fuck she said. And then, like shaking her finger at me, I'm like hold your walker, you're gonna fall and so like I was, like I know I'm in the right one and she's like no this is the women's, and I just kind of grabbed what little bit of chest I had.
Speaker 4:It was smaller than now. I just grabbed it and kind of shook it at her and I kind of pulled my shirt to the side and showed my sports bra.
Robin:Yeah, my sports bra.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because I think she thought I was still lying and I'm like hold that, thought I'll go get them, I can walk faster, so I walked my happy ass out to the manager of the 24-Hour.
Amber:Fitness and I'm like there's a problem. That you did not cause. I didn't cause it. I know the law. You were caring for her instead of disturbing her, yeah, and you were going to go get the manager for her.
Speaker 4:For her.
Amber:I was like, just in case people are not tracking what people do in the locker room like us. We're like making friends, hoping things just go well, minding our own, goddamn business, my own damn business Trying to work out a membership that we paid for in a place that's inclusive, right In this scenario, yeah, so what did the manager say?
Speaker 4:I was like there's going to be a problem. This lady's going to come in here and tell you this Number one. She calls the disturbance in the bathroom, not me, which is the law right now. So she thought I was in the wrong bathroom and she. They kind of just looked at me because they've registered they're used to seeing you.
Amber:Yeah, I've been in there for a year plus at that point, yeah, and here she comes toddling out and I'm like go ahead and tell them I already filled them in a little bit generational difference yeah, oh for sure, and I'm like they're.
Speaker 4:I was like I'm gonna let you handle'm going to go upstairs. Come get me, if you need me Right, and I just left and nothing happened to me. Anyway, I don't know what happened to her. She's like I'm going to take my money elsewhere, all right.
Amber:Just a regular day for you, regular day, and then she wants you kicked out while she keeps her membership.
Speaker 4:That happened a few times. Sometimes it was.
Amber:Well.
Robin:It's just the generational difference.
Amber:The generational difference, though, is like I grew. I'm 42 now, and I grew up knowing that hate crimes not towards necessarily women or kids, like they're doing the rhetoric now, but like gays and lesbians used to get beat up in the bathroom you know, oh, we don't know shit, you know.
Speaker 4:No, but I'm just saying like yeah we're not.
Amber:We're going in locker rooms and bathrooms not just with social conditioning to stay in our lane and not cause commotion, but we're knowing the law, but we're also knowing that that's where it could also not work great for us. Yes, you know, and I'm like well, which is very counter rhetoric right now, like you know, like if we were just doing a panel on people talking about trans in the bathroom, even some trans people would be concerned about trans in the bathroom because of the rhetoric right now.
Alexis:Yeah, but we should perhaps do that because it'll be fun.
Amber:Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it back. I mean, who knows, maybe somebody showed up in a bathroom?
Speaker 4:when someone else was helping under a formal gown and that person is a judge. Yeah, yeah, okay. How's it going?
Amber:don't mind me, I gotta retire, hold on so we've done the unity banquet in houston for years and amber being a physical therapy assistant and Alexis having surgeries along the way. I made sure that Amber was volunteering helping Alexis get dressed, get around the banquet and things like this, and one of the places when you get formal dressing and support has to be in the bathroom.
Alexis:Yeah, Well, we were doing the mic.
Amber:She's getting mic'd up for her speech, and then at our banquets you have different politicians coming and going, and so you basically had meetings in the bathroom too.
Alexis:I think I forgot you were the judge and basically a certain well-known judge was there with their significant other and they were doing clothing adjusted also. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amber:Yeah.
Alexis:And they looked and they're like adjusted also. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so and they look, they're like oh yeah.
Amber:Doing what formal wear requires in the bathroom you know Exactly and I'm all like what Reaching up in your gown?
Speaker 4:Yeah, exactly, I don't care.
Amber:Yeah, yeah, you know personally, you know I have all the same interactions in the female restroom, especially interactions in the female restroom, especially after the redrick. I used to go to the male's restroom because it was easier, the shorter line, yeah. And then after all of the things happened on the news when we didn't get the Houston equal rights ordinance in Houston and it started going more national, I thought, well, I have better odds in the female restroom, like that's not a polite thing to say, but for me I do, and so I stopped going into the male's restroom short or not short of a line, and passing or not passing or whatever.
Amber:So for me I don't even go in the unisex restroom because that's a bit of a targeted. I do and I'm like.
Speaker 4:thank you, I just walk out of the room.
Alexis:Yeah, I'm sort of interesting, because I've been in male restrooms twice since I was maybe 14.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Alexis:I've always used female and a couple of times I've had challenges and you know, usually I take the approach of, and your point is, and usually they back down because they're like wait a minute maybe. Yeah, I mean I always figure if I get confusion. Wait a minute maybe. Yeah, I mean I always figure if I get confusion from the other person I just won.
Amber:Yeah, back to confusion. You get the head tilt, yeah.
Alexis:I mean it's the same thing. Sure, oh, we're doing this. You're now confused.
Speaker 4:Guess what, while you're thinking I'm going to leave Exactly, email me with questions or don't play, yeah yeah that would be number two.
Alexis:On self-defense awareness number one, number two run there you go, there, you go, go.
Amber:And you brought up that you're doing jujitsu, so how's that going? What has you be, uh, continuously interested in that?
Speaker 4:oh, number one, it's fine. Yeah, you need to get into a fight and not get in trouble in a controlled environment but it's still uncomfortable as fuck, like when the people that are smaller than you and you're like I got it and you don't and you're like oh no you thought you had it. Now I'm being deprived of blood to my brain.
Amber:Okay, got it like, but it's a chat, it's continual challenge.
Speaker 4:Like um versus, like uh.
Speaker 4:I used to do muay thai for I did that for like two and a half years, got pretty good with that and that's just repetition. Once you learn how to throw the kicks or the punches or the elbows or the knees, you then it's just repetition on how fast you can get it, how powerful. Some of the techniques are a little bit different, but it kind of stays the same. Your partner might change, but it stays the same. With jiu-jitsu, your partner's changing, their body, body types are changing and you're changing, and how each person moves and thinks is a little different. So it's like a constant chess game. You have to think two or three, really complex yeah moves ahead and for me it's a big.
Speaker 4:It really helps um for stress relief and um ptsd type symptomology. Um, you don't have time to think about bringing it back to earlier when you don't, you can't think about other things because somebody is trying to choke you or break your arm, like you can't think about that and you're like oh, I have to survive, right
Speaker 4:now, Like I can't think about what paper I have due or what is making me sad. It's complex for you to zone out and get your attention and in the moment you're being mindful and present, because I am not the person that can sit and meditate. It drives me up a wall. Right, right, I can't. I'm like, well now, what I get, what do I do? Oh, don't think about that. Right you hear? Or?
Amber:a lot of people talk about meditation is something that has to be still, but a lot of people can't do that.
Amber:I can't system you know and I have a friend who is a neuroscientist donn is his name and he's. He's an amazing dude. He likes to do a lot of different things, but Harley Davidson, when they were coming out with their new brand of motorcycles, hired him to do research on why do people like their brand? They wanted to know their demographic newly. Like who are they? Why do they like us? They pay for someone like that? No, absolutely, and isn't it obvious?
Amber:yes, well between between harley davidson and the motorbike uh games where they do the off-roading bikes like the mountain bikes, and the jumps and the um different acrobatics in the air with the dirt bikes those group of people. What he found is is a lot of them are type A personalities that can't slow their brain down unless they're on the bike. When they're on the bike, they have to manage all the environment instead of managing the thoughts in their head, similarly to what you're saying. So some people pick a motorcycle and you pick grappling.
Speaker 4:I mean a motorcycle. I can afford it.
Alexis:There are a bunch of leisure activities. I'll put it that way. They do exactly that. Yeah, people who just like to fly for the fun of it, right, the big thing about it is you understand that if you lose concentration, you die so it demands that much concentration same thing with a lot of scuba diving. That was one of the neat things about scuba diving. The world goes away and it has to, and you know you have to be in the moment where you are, otherwise bad things happen that's, that's it.
Speaker 4:It's, it allows.
Alexis:It allows the checkout in a good way you're not checked out like I'm thinking nothing, you're checked out and able to be in the moment, but it's something you're concentrating on, something that is not your real life problems, if you will.
Robin:Yeah.
Amber:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know if you know this, amber, but Alexis used to land planes that were already broken.
Alexis:Oh, Is that not? Well, you know I'm cheap. Did I mention that?
Robin:I mentioned that a couple of times she loves the money but she likes to keep it.
Alexis:I like to fly and renting a plane is very expensive, believe me, especially when you don't like the little, tiny, slow planes. You'd rather have big, fast planes, and they're really expensive.
Amber:What's the biggest, fastest plane you've ever flown?
Alexis:The biggest, fastest plane I've ever flown? Yeah, a DC-8. Okay, I don't know what that means. Stretch-8. 8. Okay, I don't know what that means.
Speaker 4:Stretch 8. It's a huge airline type plane.
Alexis:Okay, I don't know what it means, but you know, the ones I like are Sabre Liners. They're luxurious, they're fast, they are very responsive, they're fun.
Speaker 4:And we didn't know Lexus when they were doing that.
Amber:No, I don't want to be in a plane, just a plane. No, no, I don't want to be in a plane that's broken, and so you know what I did was.
Alexis:This was when I was in Dallas. You too, the Beechcraft dealer at Addison Airport is where I flew out of, and one of the things you know to get flying time, I would ferry planes back to the factory for them. Now they don't send planes back to the factory because they're working well. I didn't figure that out. The first one of those I did, but it went all okay. But then after that. It's better to not know.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Alexis:After that I figured it out. It's like wait a minute.
Amber:If it's going back to the factory, it means it's bad enough, they can't fix it and they're looking for someone who's stupid enough to fly the plane back, or someone who listens, because they had a guy that was talking you through the landing.
Alexis:Well, that was up in Wichita at the Beechcraft factory. Okay, I mean, it's always cool when you take off and you know, nice plane it's going real well. Sort of to the extent of what you're comfortable flying, shall we say, because it's a big plane, very fast the whole bit. And you lift off and the tower says, could you make a low pass for us? Just leave your gear down, just like sure. But then you think, why are they wanting this?
Amber:and so you come back and do a low pass down the runway and they say, uh, look to your left, see that wheel rolling down the runway, that's your nose wheel oh shit okay and we're in time, with a lot of planes coming down from the sky, so this is a timely topic, but yeah and so the next thing I'm sitting there saying, okay, so what do they want me to do?
Alexis:and they're like so what do you want to do? Yeah, and you know I'm like, well, I guess I'll go on to wichita. Um, I'll just stay really high and you know if you would route me over Sherman, because Sherman has this huge Air Force base they use as an airport. I mean, it runs half the airport, runs half the way from Sherman or from the state line to Dallas. You can land anywhere in about a three mile area and you know, I'll just go on to Wichita because that's where it's going to end up.
Amber:Is that where you landed in bubbles or soap or something?
Alexis:No, this was in Wichita.
Amber:Okay.
Alexis:And so I went on to Wichita. I called them as soon as I could get there, and they'd already been notified by Addison Tower that this is going to be a problem.
Robin:They had a plane coming in.
Speaker 4:And they're like have you ever done a?
Alexis:dead stick landing. Landing which says you turn your engine off okay, which stops the fuel from flowing, stops lots of things, keeps the yeah, and you have to bump the propellers around so that you don't ruin the propellers, or three-blade propellers. If you turn them just right, then you won't hurt them got it if you land and they said have you ever landed on a grass strip?
Alexis:I'm like I haven't said, probably not like this, because we're going to do a gear up landing. And I'm like like I have no clue how to do that. Don't worry, we'll talk you through it. I'm like that's easy for you to say you're on the ground and so you know. They talked me through it and up really high and spiral down. And you know when they say, okay, so now we're going to do the spiral down to landing, at which point my heart said how fast can I go and not knock you out, right?
Speaker 4:And not pass out.
Amber:Yeah, I also like the inner dialogue of what is someone actually thinking in this moment?
Speaker 4:Yeah, you are thinking of listening to exactly what they say, right?
Alexis:And asking questions you don't understand. Back to that, not thinking yes, and so he said okay, so we're going to foam. The grass strip is just to the right of the runway, that's where you're going to land and said you know, just hold everything steady. Um, are you instrument rated? Yes, I'm instrument rated, okay, good, uh, as you're starting to come down the runway, the first little bit make sure that you're set up for your instrument landing, because when we foam it, when you hit the foam at the other end, you won't be able to see anything.
Alexis:So you have to go on instruments, that's it, you know blind landing you might be pretty much on the ground, but the minute you hit the phone you'll be back flying.
Speaker 4:Oh, okay, okay.
Alexis:And you know, because you're really floating and the key is just ride it out, keep it straight, don't worry about whether you're on the runway or not, because you can't see anything. Trust.
Alexis:But just stay on instrument runway and when it settles down, don't do anything until the fire department tells you it's time to get out of the plane because they're going to hose everything down first and make sure there's no real problems. And he says there won't be because we're doing this right. And so then he says so in emergencies. Do you get nervous? Oddly enough, I only get nervous like an hour later.
Speaker 4:Yes, it hits later. I have the same response. I'll be calm, and he says then we're fine.
Alexis:Wow, this is their head.
Amber:test pilot for beach craft and it's great that you know this about yourselves.
Speaker 4:Again, knowing things about yourself, putting yourself in situations that you figure this out yes, yeah, yeah, you do.
Alexis:You're like why am I shaking now? It's perfectly fine, it goes just the way it's supposed to. My best landings have been when the plane's broken or something's wrong. I mean, I'm sloppy otherwise, but I'm really concentrating then.
Alexis:And so you know, we go have some lunch. And he says so, you want to see how you damage the plane. And I'm like sure, we go back and there's a little patch of grass on the belly of the plane that's about four to six inches long. And he said that's your damage. It takes like two seconds of buffing Buff it out. And he said by the way, the axle was broken on the wheel, that's why it was a problem, so we have to replace the whole wheel thing. He said I don't think we'll ever replace it in time for you to fly this one back, but we've got a King Air which is a much bigger plane that we need to send back. And I'm like okay. And he's like so, I would guess that you should take a little nap or something. And I'm like okay, fine. And he says have you ever flown a King Air? And I'm like nope. He said okay, well, I'll go with you, we'll whip around the field to check you out and then you'll be type certified in the king air. And we did.
Amber:Nice.
Alexis:And it only took half the time to get back. It's a big plane, there you go. It holds like 20 people and goes really fast.
Speaker 4:Nice, nice. What is really fast in that plane, like what is that In?
Alexis:that particular. On the way back, I was going about 350 miles an hour and from Wichita to Dallas, 350 miles an hour.
Robin:You get there quick oh.
Speaker 4:Oh, like what an hour Is that? Yeah, Okay, sky time. There's the math face.
Alexis:My head's tilted and I'm looking up. It's sort of around an hour.
Amber:Toss me the answer. And you call in.
Alexis:It's like you're looking for a softball and the tower says yeah, wichita told us you were coming in a different plane and I'm like, wow, you all talk a lot, how do you want to do it? I'm like I'd love a straight in, because I'm not that used to this plane and you know, turns aren't my strong suit. And they're like so far, it looks good. And I'm like, yeah, because you can't see me yet. And they're like, well, yeah, there's that. And so I'm just talking to the tower and he said okay, you're on final now. I'm like I know, and he said so you land. And we're just chatting all the way through and he said so you're going to texan. That was the beachcraft deal. I'm like, yeah, that's so, get off whenever you're able and head over there, and right now you're the biggest thing we have on the ground, so have fun.
Alexis:You guys are right away and they're like oh, we didn't know you were bringing that one back, so-and-so will be really happy because they've been wanting it back quick and it was a plane that they'd refurbished the entire interior of, it was really nice.
Alexis:I mean darn it, just go find one and see, I don't believe you've proved it, no, okay, but but I have a uh friend that I used to fly with all the time and he loves slow play. He liked just flying. You know, it's the act of being in the air that he liked. Okay, I saw it as some something, some way to get someplace fast yeah and so you know I'd fly with him.
Alexis:I'd fly right seat because he can do his thing. But anytime we would come around the controlled airport he'd be like, okay, do you want to take it? You want to take it because that wasn't his thing. It was like ah, it was like the little you know nothing else doesn't want to land and if there was a problem he'd be like you know, I'm like you want me to take it?
Amber:and says yes yes, please, yes, please, that's and.
Alexis:I'm like that's because I can't fly. If it's all, okay, right.
Robin:Things are going too well, but it's the same thing.
Alexis:The nice thing is that from the time you start to taxi out, you better have your mind on the flight or you're going to be in trouble, and that was really nice, and there's so many things like that. In fact, I think an awful lot of sports are like that, I mean even like team sports. It's like you need to have your mind on the game and that takes your mind off of everything else, and it's very relaxing.
Amber:Well, it's kind of like some of your tennis stories, when people realize how hard that hit is actually. Balls flying 100 plus balls an hour how fast, that ball is actually flying. You don't see it that way as the player how fast that ball is actually flying. You don't see it that way as the player and you don't even acknowledge it as somebody who's not playing, but it keeps you really integrated into the moment.
Alexis:And you know, the nice thing about it is that if you're playing nice, just sort of fun tennis and somebody starts trying to not play nice, then you turn it up. It's always nice to be able to say, oh, let's just worry them a little bit. And it's like, yeah, I've been hitting you like 80 mile an hour serves, which is a good serve, let's go for 150.
Speaker 4:And when you can hear the ball.
Alexis:When you're going through the air. You're like oh damn it and you hear it hit and then the curtain behind you. You hear koo, yeah. And usually they look and they're like oh what, what was that? And I'm like that's my regular serve, so are we gonna play hard or fun you?
Amber:tell me it's all up to you, I don't care yeah, and you play with some famous people that are well skilled because you can hit that hard. Yeah, what? Who are some of the people I mean I used when I was?
Alexis:in dallas, dallas, I hit practice with Martina Navratilova and that was fun. That's a lesbian.
Speaker 4:What, what are these shocking?
Amber:statements what?
Alexis:Twice a year I used to go up to Nukes, which is a tennis camp in the hill country. I was like Nukes when Now we're talking and Nukes basically train professional tennis players.
Speaker 4:Oh, okay.
Alexis:And they basically had one week a month when you had to be pro or someone. They considered a high A-level tennis player to be allowed to come. And I used to be able to go to those all the time and they were fun. Because there was one morning that I was just up and there was somebody on the court sort of hitting serves, and I was wandering around and says, you know, you want to volley someone? I'm like sure, so I'm hitting volleys back and forth and she's really good. You know, did this bit of oh, it's a girl, no, no, she's really good, but you, you know it was it was enough where we kept it fun and everything, and I honestly didn't know her name.
Alexis:I don't remember it right now, but you know she said, okay, I gotta go, I gotta get ready, I'm traveling, and so she takes off yeah and so that afternoon late, maybe the next morning, but within a very short period of time we're watching tv for lunch and she's playing chris everton beating her nice that's the person I was warming up this morning said yeah all right, then that's awesome that's really cool.
Alexis:And then I used to laugh, because one of the things that happened at nukes is, you know, after a day or two the uh would take everybody. And you know, basically you got to hit serves with one of the instructors, okay, and the deal was that if you get past them you get an ace. Then the instructors buy all of the students a beer, nice. And if you didn't get an ace, ace, you bought that instructor a beer, okay which you remember how she likes money.
Alexis:Yes, and they were very australian, so, fosters, it was the big ones, the oil cans that they used to have, the green and pretty much and and so it was always funny because if they had a new instructor they would some way or other randomly match me up with them, because I hit a serve that nobody teaches.
Speaker 4:Oh, okay.
Alexis:Except for McEnroe, okay, and that's who showed me how to hit that serve, because it's the one McEnroe always used. That would kill people. And so I'd hit two or three normal serves and I'd hit some really hard ones. That are good serves and every now and then I actually get one past them, but usually not because that's what they're used to. And you would see that all of the other instructors were lined up and had these big grins on their face. They're like ready to drink.
Alexis:And then I hit something called an American twist and it breaks to the left and anybody in their right mind after seeing some of my previous serves would take a step. I mean breaks to the right, and they would take a step to the right, okay, and the ball goes to their left. Ah, okay, once it hits, it cuts so hard. It's unbelievable. And usually what happens with the pros is they take the step to the right. Then they see the spin and they just give up. They're like you got me, there is no point, I cannot get to that point, and all of the other pros would start laughing and they'd get the whole bit of yeah, I was set up.
Speaker 4:Thanks.
Alexis:They told me to get my money ready for you to serve. Nobody hits that serve and I'm like I know I'm a nobody, yeah, nobody hits that serve.
Speaker 4:Yes, I think that having that ace no pun intended, but that one is pretty fun and then getting one over on people like and surprising.
Alexis:Well, with tennis, one of the things people don't realize is it's a very cerebral sport. I mean, you can do it with just power and, like a lot of the male pro players have so much power they don't have to think about what they're doing. Okay. But now when they're hitting with someone else who's as strong as them, if you watch, oh, there's a lot of strategy going into it because they're having to actually work.
Alexis:Yeah, Like oh, I've got to actually think about where the ball's going to spin, land, bounce, go backhand. And then you think, well, that's what they're expecting, because that's what I always do, so I'm going to hit their forehand again, but maybe they're expecting it. And, by the way, you have the time it takes the ball to travel across the net to do that I wonder how this would translate into pickleball.
Speaker 4:I don't know how to play pickleball.
Amber:It's slower, it's popular right now, can you?
Alexis:do an American twist in pickleball? I don't think you can, but I may be wrong, because the thing that made an American twist work is because you did all the action after the ball on your serve was in the racket and had deformed the strings a little bit. And then you would move in that and it was an interesting motion because it was pure timing and pickleball. They don't deform.
Speaker 4:Right.
Alexis:Well, maybe they don't.
Speaker 4:No, if you hit them hard enough, it's a harder wiffle ball. From what I can tell, I haven't had a chance to really play it yet. I've watched them all do it.
Amber:I haven't set home to do it.
Speaker 4:I just haven't done it yet, yeah.
Amber:So what is something that you're looking forward to doing next, whether it's sports or your career or life in general? Do you have anything on the horizons that brings you excitement, joy, or is pulling you to keep going?
Alexis:And my mind added to your list, but we have to edit it out. I was going to say there are specific people.
Speaker 4:I don't care what's my wish list of people. It could be celebrities.
Amber:I have a celebrity wish list.
Speaker 4:Grappling with so much, which context are you talking?
Amber:about here any context, any context are you?
Alexis:guys saying that wasn't sexual on my part, just so you know. Okay, it was.
Amber:But it could be, but it could be um as far as like stuff.
Speaker 4:I signed up for the Master World competition for jujitsu in September in Las Vegas. So I'm training for that right now and trying to make sure I'm on weight, with muscle, not injured, which is non-existent. It's always something's wrong. My knees you remember that taping class we did? I have tape on my knee right now. That's for that. For school-wise, I am just trying to get through quantitative inferential statistics right now and that's a goal. Um, I start external practice.
Alexis:I'm going to go to Las Vegas and either be beat up or beat somebody up, and I have tape on my knee because it may not work really well.
Speaker 4:Right, and now let's talk about quantitative statistics, et cetera. Yeah, and then be about to start the second edition of that quantitative statistics when I get back from Vegas from beating someone up.
Alexis:So there's motivation. I point that out. Yeah, your poor mind just saying so are we going to be nerdy here?
Speaker 4:Yeah, are we going to be a nerd or a bigger?
Amber:nerd. So which type of nerd? So when's Vegas?
Speaker 4:September. It's the last week of August.
Amber:Okay, so you're living into it. Yeah and uh, amber and I went to a rock tape uh taping class and the lady said you know, go slow about how many tape spots you tape up, because it could really stimulate you in a weird way or you can get overwhelmed and we're like let's go.
Robin:And like yeah, we were like super taped up.
Amber:I was about to say, wait, wait, yeah, we had been probably like five seconds later we're like whoa, take it off, like oh, this is too much. She wasn't kidding, look at it, no, okay.
Speaker 4:Did you get a picture? Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, take it, take it. Yeah, so they have a. Oh, that's that. And as far as people go, I have a celebrity. Well, where's it at right now?
Amber:Let's see.
Speaker 4:There's this person. I call her Hot Jamie.
Amber:She's on.
Alexis:Instagram Hot Jamie. Hey, hot Jamie. Ellen does not get it. She's like, she looks nothing like me, and how can I phrase it? Jamie's a really androgynous name.
Speaker 4:It is, but they're not.
Alexis:I'm not suggesting that.
Speaker 4:No, they're not. They're a powerlifting person. Instagram personality Okay, could be a future buddy. I'm like it's like one of those people that you don't know what else.
Alexis:So you have no idea what they look like below the breast level.
Speaker 4:Nope, Well, yes.
Alexis:I do actually they had an.
Speaker 4:OnlyFans for a short period of time.
Amber:Okay, and I paid them for a short period of time, big fan.
Speaker 4:And they're tattooed, muscled.
Alexis:You know know, had this shaved side of the head and tattooed yeah, I had a question a while back on that one, but yeah, right alexis was wondering if you are a lesbian and you're gonna shave only one side of your head as lesbians do.
Robin:I was having a depression.
Alexis:Which side do you wait? I was having a depression moment. I guess I could shave half my head and I'm like, but which side?
Robin:Okay.
Alexis:And I was going to call you a man.
Amber:It's just like the hanky code Like if you do the right side or the left side, you might be making too much of a promise.
Speaker 4:A hanky code promise, I don't think there's that. I think it'd be more like you have to know your roots, like if you play with your hair. If you did like this and there's no hair on your right side, then there would be a problem, or?
Amber:amber is going for sensation, yeah, or however, if you like the way it feels with that you might want it to be on the right side.
Robin:Okay, and it's always.
Speaker 4:And then you have to think about your natural hair. Does it fall naturally to the left or to the?
Amber:right, okay, she's got. Now she going style Like she wants it to look good, yeah, so which way does it naturally fall? Alexis is trying to figure it out.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I would be like okay, am I going to sit like this and be more, or am I going to sit like this and be more? Do I have a lump on the side?
Amber:of my head, exactly what side's thinner? What's?
Alexis:my good so we're minding the other side now. Okay, so that'd be the other side.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but there's no hanky code translation with that, so you're safe.
Alexis:But I wouldn't worry. I'd be like it'd be my luck to guess the wrong side. Then I'd have to go all the way.
Amber:Lesbian. Math is like what side is the fade on and what side is the carabiner on, and do they or do they not have an established?
Robin:belt buckle, and that was the other question that I had at one point in time.
Alexis:Okay, with carabiners? Well, no, if you have, you know, a stronger carabiner is that a good thing.
Speaker 4:That's dick size. I mean, you know, like most of my carabiners are like 40 newtons. Then that says a lot about you. Yes, it says a lot about you.
Amber:It says like she could pull something. It's like I can suspend a I got you, I want you, and so may or may not be into suspension Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, but care may not also could save lives.
Speaker 4:Have multifunction purposes.
Amber:Yes.
Speaker 4:So that carabiners, what else is?
Amber:And, by the way, I get rid of all of the ones that aren't strong, because it'd be my luck to be in an emergency and grab one that is like a 10 pound carabiner for anyone who doesn't understand like a 40 newton.
Speaker 4:It's like a 5,600 pound carabiner or something like that we all can hang from that carabiner and be just fine, oh yeah, it wouldn't be a problem at all. I may or may not have six of those in my car for purposes for For lesbian purposes. You never know when someone's drowning and you have to tie off and be in there and have to trust that carabiner.
Amber:Okay, that's very true. That's very true. Alexis used to hang a lot of chains.
Robin:So like that gets at me Either way, either way I got you girl.
Speaker 4:We need a car.
Alexis:And it's funny because everybody's like, well, will that hold me? Like I have a swing upstairs on one chain and I mean people who weigh like 100 pounds say, well, that hold me. After they see me get up and I'm like I'm not 100 pounds, I mean, thank you, sure is this going to hold?
Speaker 4:me yes, yes and.
Alexis:I'm sort of like okay, each side will hold 2,700 pounds, and they're like how do you know 700 pounds? They're like, how do you know? And I'm like, that's dynamic, so you could drop seven feet and not be hurt. And they're like how do you know? I'm like, because that's the way I built it, because I basically figure who knows what people are going to do with this swing right, you need to have it be sturdy and reliable.
Speaker 4:Reliable safety first in this case.
Alexis:Yeah and yeah and you know I don't want to have to clean up the blood yeah, there's that there, you go, except that I do have things to. If that happens, yeah, mediate that.
Speaker 4:Safety first in that aspect, yeah, be able to save them.
Amber:Don't ruin my floors Be able to save them Well, or the floors. Okay, so you're doing school and you have Vegas coming up, and then you have possible sexy buddy fans that you could connect with. You're on the past, and then are you open to people sponsoring you as an athlete or a student or yes and yes.
Alexis:So being a fan of amber, I mean yes, how do they get a hold of you for that?
Speaker 4:you can email me, you can call me, you can reach out to either one of you okay, yeah, that's true. Either way, it's fine okay, I am like, I am open to all ways of getting.
Alexis:And the email is.
Speaker 4:School email would be my last name, which is spelled the same way. The pickle jar is spelled C-L-A-U-S-S-E-N-A-0054 at UHCLedu, or the personal one, which is froggy20, not spelled that way P-H-R-A-W-G-Y, the number 20 at gmailcom. And if you can't, you can always email the two of you and y'all can send it out.
Amber:We'll send it out for sure.
